It’s Just Another Language….

A very good friend of mine got engaged recently. He is from a conservative Madhwa Brahmin family from Southern Karnataka. He tells me that his mothers’ only requirement was that the girl be from a Madhwa family. He had a list of his requirements, nothing which you can’t find in most of today’s girls. So, he did find the right match and they are getting married next year.

It has been almost a month since the engagement. They met on a daily basis for around 15 days in India. After he flew back to America, they are in constant touch. He chats with her on Yahoo and talks on phone. My friend was visiting me last weekend and he told me that he and his fiancée have never talked in Kannada, not a word. It’s always been English. 

For one, I was shocked. I thought I knew my friend too well, and I didn’t quite understand why anyone would not want to talk in their mother tongue with their future spouse. He went on to tell me that the girls’ mother is from Raichur, her father’s relatives have connections in Maharashtra etc., and thus their extended families speak different languages including Kannada, Marathi and Hindi. The girls’ father is not alive today. He also told me that they speak 60% Kannada at home and rest English. I didn’t quite understand that as well. Why would a Kannada lady from Raichur talk to her children in English, especially when you still live in Karnataka ?

I am very straight forward. I think I am way too frank sometimes. Point blank, I asked my friend how his mother agreed to make this girl as her daughter-in-law when the girl had absolutely no inclination of speaking in Kannada. I am sure my friends’ mother cannot converse in English very fluently. My friend had no answer to that. He knows me too well. So, he knows the intentions behind my question. He had absolutely no problems with me asking that question. 

Anyway, I guess my friend probably started feeling the pinch of not talking in his mother tongue with his future spouse. He told me that he was talking to her on phone just before he came to my house. He suggested to her that from now on they should start talking in Kannada. Apparently, she responded by saying “You can talk if you want”. I wouldn’t read too much into her response. Maybe she was just joking, or half-joking.

I am very passionate about my culture, language and roots. I don’t quite understand why we want to suddenly stop talking in our mother tongue. If we don’t use our mother tongue, who will ? That’s the primary reason for a language to die. When you look at South India, I don’t see Tamil, Telugu and Malayalam in such a bad shape. Is it just Kannada or is it all Indian languages ? I don’t know, and that’s not the point. Speak your language at home. Love your language.

I know I am judging people here. I have no business to do that. People have their own priorities and choices. I am nobody to question that. But, he is such a close friend and I feel awful. I have the right to feel awful, just like he has the right to treat Kannada with scant respect. My heart is bleeding….

Explore posts in the same categories: Kannada