Cut And Paste

Today was quite ‘different’. I found out that there are a lot of ways that you can treat an injury. I have listed two different options here. You can easily figure out what I went through today.

Option # 1:

  • You get hit by something and you have a cut.
  • Wash the wound with a lot of water.
  • Wash it with an antiseptic and clean the wound.
  • Put a bandage.
  • Move on with life.

Option # 2:

  • A particular door in your office doesn’t like you. So, it decides to automatically start closing right when you are near the door. The door hits you hard on the forehead.
  • There is a lady right behind you who is worried. She asks you if you are alright. You act all brave and tell her that you are perfectly fine and walk away.
  • Within 3 seconds you realize that you are bleeding terribly.
  • You go to the bathroom and put a lot of water on the wound.
  • You put a band aid and drive home.
  • You have lunch and then take off the band aid since it is still bleeding a lot.
  • You ask your wife to put a new bandage. But she suggests that you go to the nurse’s station in the office since it is bleeding too much. A nurse can put a better bandage than a wife.
  • You walk into the nurse’s station and the old nurse is all shocked to see such a big cut and wound.
  • You explain the whole story.
  • Nurse starts wondering whether a steri strip is enough or if stitches are required.
  • Nurse is shocked that you could actually go home, have lunch and come back, with such a big injury on the forehead. You decide to boast and narrate the ‘almost death’ experience in an accident the previous year.
  • The nurse is now totally convinced that you are He-Man. She goes on to explain the cuts which her son had on his face several years ago.
  • Since it is a work related injury, she goes on to explain the workers compensation benefits.
  • She asks you to fill out a form with your personal information and also expects you to describe the whole incident in detail.
  • She asks you to fill out another form with all your personal information again.
  • She then decides to direct you to a physician since she cannot make up her mind if the injury needs stitches or not.
  • She will assure you that the company will take care of all the expenses.
  • She then puts a band aid similar to what you had already put earlier. She doesn’t want to do anything more since she doesn’t want to tamper with the tissues too much.
  • She gives you a cold pack to rub on the wound so that it doesn’t swell too much.
  • Two of her favorite doctors are too busy. So, she decides to send you to the Emergency Room at the local hospital.
  • You vehemently oppose going to ER because you know you will have to wait at least 3 hours for some doctor to take a look at you in an ER.
  • Then the nurse decides to call the ER to see how busy they are. She is surprised that you were so right, ER is extremely busy!!!
  • You are made to sit in the nurse’s station for several minutes because the nurse cannot find a doctor who is free.
  • You are bored and you call your wife on your cell phone for a while.
  • The nurse is successful in finding a clinic which does not have too many patients at that time.
  • She brings the map, gives directions and asks you to go there in 10 minutes.
  • You go to this new clinic.
  • The receptionist there gives you a few forms to fill up.
  • They require too much information. You fill in the two forms and return.
  • The receptionist looks at the file and tells you that you have filled out only two of the seven forms.
  • You start filling in all the details. You read through all the diseases they have listed and decide you shouldn’t check any of those since you don’t have any of those.
  • Finally, you are called in. You realize that the receptionist is also the nurse. You wonder if she is a nurse who is a make shift receptionist or if she is a receptionist who is a make shift nurse. You think too much, too many unwanted things.
  • She asks you to stand on the weighing machine. You have magically added up 12 pounds in one week. You don’t know which weighing machine to trust. Both are analog and both are same brand.
  • She takes your temperature.
  • She measures your blood pressure.
  • Then the dude walks in and looks at the wound.
  • You instantly think that he is lousy to be a doctor.
  • He decides that the stitch neither needs steri strips nor stitches. He recommends glue similar to Elmer’s super glue.
  • The nurse/receptionist cleans the wound with sterile water.
  • They wait for several minutes. You almost go to deep sleep.
  • The dude comes back to put glue.
  • You address the dude as “Doctor” and he corrects you and tells you that he is not a doctor. He is a physician’s assistant. Now, you are happy that your instincts were right.
  • That guy explains how you need to keep the wound clean for the next several days and asks you not to use adhesive bandages.
  • He explains all symptoms of concern and asks you to go to an ER if you see/feel any of them.
  • The nurse then comes in to put in a bandage. She decides to use an adhesive bandage.
  • You ask her not to use an adhesive bandage since the dude asked you not to.
  • She goes out to confirm what you said was correct.
  • She comes back in and decides to put a big bandage on your forehead. She is not keen on cutting the bandage into half to fit the wound. She decides that it is more fun if people think that you have a really big wound.
  • You get out of the clinic and go back to office.
  • You receive an email from the nurse at work with several different documents explaining your ‘benefits’, ‘rights’ and ‘legal issues’.
  • She also asks you to call her back as soon as you see the email.
  • You call her and explain the treatment at the clinic.
  • You walk to the nurse’s station again to pick up new bandages.
  • The nurse tells you that you have to go and meet a physician soon to make sure that the wound ‘was’ taken care of correctly.
  • You frown, she smiles.
  • You walk back hoping that the doctor wouldn’t recommend a surgery!!!
  • On the way back to your office, you meet several friends. You narrate the whole story to each and everyone of them. You are bored, they are excited.
  • You get back to your cube, you blog. 
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Explore posts in the same categories: America! America!!, Humor, Life, Raindrops

18 Comments on “Cut And Paste”

  1. Vasuki Says:

    Quite an elaborate procedure. Your doctor might be surprised to find that you could write such a lengthy post after such a “big cut” 😉


  2. hahhahhaha! sooper! This post served as a ‘good nurse’ to freshen my morning today.. thanx.. 🙂

  3. pArijAta Says:

    Hope you are feeling okay now.


  4. Real ‘He-man’…You could recover from the wound, the procedures and the tortures to tell us the story.

    It helps in one way, you meet a friend and instead of exaplaining each one what happened, you can direct them here!

  5. some body Says:

    d.s.:

    i agree with srik – you could’ve taken permanent marker and written (in large print) – ‘for details, go to http://december…’

    “She asks you to stand on the weighing machine. You have magically added up 12 pounds in one week. You don’t know which weighing machine to trust. Both are analog and both are same brand.”

    trust the new one. since you no longer have any need for the old one, could you ship that to me please? i bet it will be pretty popular; i might even be able to e-bay it 😉

    – s.b.

    p.s.: trust you are ok now. did you give the door a piece of your mind? just kidding, he he 🙂

  6. Prashanth M Says:

    Hilarious… sakkat narration…

  7. Atman Says:

    Thank God, I am in India with all its inefficiencies. Guess the American professionals are too professional.

  8. neela Says:

    Illagidre compounderappane nalku holige haaki cobbler istylealli ,dodda plaster haaki, doctor hatra medical certificate kodisi manege ravaanisiroru.
    ashtakkella blog postu aagtirlilla–nimde majaappa.
    joking aside..get well soon.

  9. praneshachar Says:

    amazing narration though hilarious at the end hats off to your skills listing all that happened step by step. enjoyed and also got a feel of medical aid at US
    keep writing and we all can enjoy

  10. Aram Says:

    DS: I have difficulty in deciding which appeals to me more – the titles you give to your posts or the contents. You seem to have the midas touch — everything that you suffer or enjoy turns into a blogpost for the enjoyment of us, your bloglurkers. May your tribe increase !!!

  11. rads Says:

    🙂
    now there’s a piece of fine creative writing!

  12. BPuriSKabab Says:

    I think the word count on this post was probably more than the post about your car accident (i.e.) word count seems to be inversely proportional to gravity of bodily injury.

    So I expect a 20 page novella the next time you cut yourself shaving, and a 1000 page magnum opus the next time you have a paper cut.

    BPSK


  13. @ Vasuki:
    Latest news…insurance guys have decided that I don’t need to go to a doctor!!!

    @ Sushrutha:
    No problem. Come over here. You will certainly get a better nursing experience!!! Ooops…did I say that right? 😉

    @ pArijAta:
    yes, I am perfectly fine, thanks.

    @ Srik:
    That’s a really neat idea. But, now I have cut the bandage to 1/4th original size, so not sur if I can rite the complete URL there!!!

    @ SB:
    Thanks for the eBay idea. Now, why would I be dumb and send it to you? check it out on eBay please 🙂 And, yes I did give the door a small piece of my mind…suddenly I feel dumb!!! 😉

    @ Prashanth:
    Thanks guru.

    @ Atman:
    Thanks for visiting my blog. A lot of times efficiency aids inefficiency. So, it’s kinda hard to distinguish between the two. Would you really call this an efficient procedure? Complete…sure, efficient, I am not sure.

    @Neela:
    I am sure there would be other kinds of colorful stories in India, right? here’s it’s all black and white, there is no grey (I will stick with Bush on that).

    @ Praneshachar:
    Thank you. I certainly will write more. I just need to get more cuts, that’s all 😉

    @ Aram:
    Thank you very much. I am certainly very proud of the titles I give, not too sure about the content of the posts.

    @ Rads:
    Thanks. Unlike yours, this is all kid stuff 😉

    @ BS:
    Its’ just easier to address you that way 😉 That’s quite an interesting observation. And, you cut yourself while shaving? Sheesh…how old are you? 😉

  14. rads Says:

    o DS, sarcasm does not become you :p

  15. BPuriSKabab Says:

    Sticks and stones, DStud, sticks and stones

    *BPSK*

  16. Vijay Says:

    DS: Thats a lot to go through.. hope you feel better


  17. @ Rads:
    Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂

    @ BS:
    Alright, the stage is set 😉

    @ Vijay:
    I am fine, thanks 🙂

  18. krupa Says:

    hahaha!hilarious…


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