Archive for the ‘Life Outside ICU’ category

The End

April 1, 2007

End of a quarter, end of a life. Every beginning has an end.

This is perhaps my last post in the “Life Outside ICU” category.

 Peace!!!

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Doctors, Doctors And More Doctors

March 12, 2007

From California to Texas, and from the dense forests of South India to Bangalore, I have exhausted all doctors. Of course, that’s an exaggeration, but you get the point.

My friends, their friends, their friends’ friends’ friends have all spoken to me. The top specialists in the world and the modest fakir have all talked to me. I have waited for hours to meet the super specialists, and I cannot remember the number of international calls I have made.

My driving skills and the my car’s strength have been well tested with all the driving between remote villages in search of that nectar which will cure him completely.

I try, I try harder, I try again and then I hope.

The other day I got a call from someone and she said that God is looking at everything I am doing now and some day in the future something very good will happen to me. Sure sure, that is lovely indeed. But, I just ask the same God to let that very good thing happen right away. My prayer is simple, “God if you are listening to me then I just have one question. Why him ? Why did you choose a person who perhaps has no clue what anger is, who is undoubtedly the nicest human being I have ever known and who is so full of love and warmth. Where is justice for him ? Let him get back to normalcy soon. Let him be his old self, full of laughter with his brilliant sense of humor. Please…..”.

The Nicest Man I Know

February 16, 2007

I wrote the same lines in an article several years ago, and this will always be true.

“I don’t know if he is God in the form of a human, or a human in the form of God”.

I truly am lucky and fortunate.

Miracle

February 15, 2007

It was indeed a miracle. An overnight transformation. I just couldn’t believe my own eyes. He came out of sleep. He was able to talk and smile and laugh. He started chatting with me like he always does and even started singing. This is exactly what I was hoping for and it happened.

When I woke up in the morning, it didn’t take me a long time to realize that it was all a dream. It was so beautiful. Human mind is so powerful and sensitive. I dreamt what I wanted to see. I have been re-running the dream in my mind all day today. Hope is so healthy. Dreams are beautiful.

Yet Another Day

February 14, 2007

I wasn’t feeling well all day today. But, now I am back up again. I feel upbeat. I so want to thank a few people for that. Some people may have no clue that I want to thank them…..LOL

I have never hated anyone in this world. I have always believed that it is very essential to appreciate the good qualities in others and just filter out the bad ones. Now, I am more than willing to come my half way, if the other person is. That’s why, whoever it is I see, I always make it a point to smile at them. That’s so important for mental peace. No point in hating someone. I just can’t do that.

Euthanasia

February 13, 2007

….or anything remotely close to that concept…I have always hated it !!! And, I always will. I value life too much.

Please God, you have been testing me enough. Do not make me choose. I am already sleeping on a bed of thorns. Please don’t add one more.

Arise! Awake!!

February 8, 2007

I wanted to restart the blog yesterday. February 8th is my mother’s birthday. A leading daily in Karnataka has a daily column in which it carries the bio of famous artistes, writers and personalities in Karnataka. So, courtesy that newspaper, my mother got tons of calls wishing her a “Happy Birthday” since yesterday morning. Adding to this, a leading local eveninger carried an article on her. So, a lot of people poured into our home in Mysore until late last night. By the time people left and we had dinner, it was past 10PM.

Each and every person who called my mother wished her a happy life. And, the obvious next question was “How is Mr. R doing ?” With her typical stoic boldness my mother’s reply would be “Well, he is improving, but at an extremely slow rate”.

Anyway, today is a brand new day. I have decided to restart my blog. I cannot hold too many things within me for much longer. I need an outlet. So, I decided to restart my blog and my poems. Blog first….

It has been more than five weeks since I have been in India. My wife joined me 2 days back. She resigned from her internship, postponed her graduation by a semester and is here with me. My bosses have been kind enough to allow me to work from here. I have decided to go on leave without pay if I don’t give my 100%. But, I won’t let that happen. I have a new found motivation to give out my best.

For the next several days or weeks, I plan to keep writing about my family and myself. If you think it’s boring, then I suggest that you visit this blog only after a few weeks. But, if you want to just support me (no, not pity, please) then join in.

The last one month has changed my life so much. If it was just the sickness in the family, then I guess I would have somehow coped with it. But, there are so many things going on around me. As they say “If it rains, it pours”. The numerous issues which I am dealing with, took a toll on me. Yes, for those of you who know me well, the chatter box who never shut his mouth, the person with better than average oratory skills, the so super confident me, slightly dominating personality, the one who influenced people easily, the one who made decisions for others, the one whose ideas were respected by people. Yes, the same me. The only difference is that, now I have been diagonized with “Depression”. Ahha, so the bold outward face is all bunkum, the real inside is very fragile, insecure, emotional and weak, huh ? LOL

Anyway, that willpower thingy is quite handy sometimes. I plan to come out of the depression without any medicines. My wife and my mother and all my friends are helping me. The problem was that for five solid weeks, I single handedly went in and out of the hospital five or six times daily. The physical and mental stress was unbearable is what the doctors think. Infact, one of the doctors at the hospital said that he would have been surprised if I didn’t have the symptoms, the way I moved around the hospital. Added to this, my perennial worry of my mother’s health and how she is dealing with the situation. And recently, financial worries have started too. Yes sir, when you go to the best hospital with the best doctors, they suck every penny out of you. Even earning in dollars isn’t enough when the sickness is so severe. And to top it, “He” keeps meeting me. Let me not get into the details of who “He” is. Let me just give you a glimpse and say that one day when I was getting in to the hospital, “He” welcomed me with a top of the lungs “Bastard”. I could never imagine someone calling me that. I looked up and “He” was standing. Finally, the hospital security was called in to calm him. That’s a different story altogether.

I think I have bored you all enough. Let me sign off for now. More to come. Have a great day !!!