Archive for the ‘Humor’ category

Like Mother Like Daughter

December 2, 2010

 

Wife is a cleanliness freak. So, is the daughter ūüôā It’s all in the genes!!!

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Peek A Boo

February 29, 2008

I went for my annual health check-up today, finished the paperwork and was waiting for my turn. The nurse practitioner called out my name and I went inside.

I was made to sit on a chair and she came and stood right in front of me. The slightly pregnant lady in her late 30’s was wearing an EXTREMELY low cut dress and there was nothing left for imagination!!!

And now, she wanted to check my blood pressure. Oh please!!!!! After that, she spent considerable time looking for a vein to get the blood sample. (Trying) to be a gentleman, I looked around in all possible directions and was trying to appreciate the wall colors.

Seriously though, shouldn’t there be a dress code? I mean, she ought to have known that she was not wearing a proper attire. And get this, she told me that a guy working with her was fired. I wonder why!!!

Humor – Three Times

February 22, 2008

Characters invloved:

My friend A and his wife B.

B‘s brother C and his wife D.

My friend R.

C and D recently had a kid and they were visitng A and B. My friend R was all excited to see the newborn. After watching how the kid plays, yawns, giggles, sleeps etc..etc.., R went to A and B and made¬†a comment saying that the kid “looks very much like A“.

Now, A and B were obviously shocked to hear this comment, but they were polite enough not to hit R.

And lo, R suddenly realized that he had committed a blunder by saying what he said. He immediately tried to correct it and this is what he said:

“Oh well, but¬†come to think of it, how is that?”

Needless to say A and B fainted, well almost!!!

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Just when I start thinking that there may be a possibility that my wife is so much more intelligent than I am, she comes up with gems. 

The other day, I was browsing the internet looking for, among many things, ‘Fareb’, Milind Gunaji and others. I stumbled upon an article which said that Sanjay Leela Bhansali’s initial choice for the role of Devdas was Salman Khan. I couldn’t believe that someone could even consider Salman Khan for such roles (SLB is a copycat dumbo, that’s a different story).

I asked my wife to guess who SLB’s first choice for Devdas was. Without skipping a heartbeat she answered:

“Rani Mukherjee”!!!

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For those of you who know how to read a fortune cookie the right way, here’s what I got last week:

“Others will be impressed by your artistic side….”

For those of you who don’t know how to read a fortune cookie, ask someone who does.

Anyway, as for me, it’s time for bed!!!

P-In ‘Drop’ Silence

December 20, 2007

This post is ‘inspired’ by rads’ ramblings on female P-etiquette here. It seems to me that the¬†female species has a lot of misconception on what happens behind the men’s door.¬†We all do it and we will keep doing it forever, so why not dedicate a post for that. I think it’s best described with examples. Here are some:

1.¬†You finish your business, wash your hands and walk towards the door. This older man is standing near the door as if he is waiting for you to open the door for him.¬†You don’t wonder why he is standing¬†there. You just hold the door knob to open the door and get out. Immediately the old man starts laughing and says “Ha Ha, why did you have to wash the hands if you were touching this door? I wait for someone else to always open the door because there are many men who don’t wash their hands and they touch this door. If you open the door yourself, why do you want to wash your hands?” and walks away right behind you, making sure no part of his body touches the door.¬†You sigh! Maybe he is right, maybe¬†you can conserve water by not washing the hand. Oh well,¬†you are uncomfortable not washing your hands. So,¬†you still wash your hands and¬†you still touch the door knob. Yuck!

2.¬†You get inside, curse yourself for wearing Levis 501’s, and before¬†you realize¬†you start hearing all kinds of grunts, sighs and happy moans from the stall nearby. Since this didn’t require any reaction from your part,¬†you finish¬†the job, wash your hands (yes) and are about to leave, when the person from the stall walks out. It’s your boss. You don’t know what to say, so you just walk out and start drinking water in the nearby water fountain. After a while boss walks behind you and starts making conversation. he tells you ALL the details about the big re-org which is happening and also discusses your appraisal and says that you are one of his best employees!!!

3. You are about to walk out and suddenly the stall door opens. It’s your project lead and he gives biggest sheepish grin. you just nod your head and walk out. You remember that he is suffering from diarrhea for the past few days. You try to forget that you remembered it. After a while, the project lead walks by your cube and keeps asking dumb technical questions. You answer all of them. he thanks you and goes away. Now, there’s a closure.

4. You just started and your manager comes and stands next to you and starts his business. Just a shy smile from both, no talk, no words. You are done, he is done. Both of you wash your hands (yes) and walk away.

5. You go in and start doing what you do. Suddenly tens of guys walk in and before you know all the spots are occupied. Since you were the first one, you occupied the first available spot. You finish your thing, and turn back and see a guy standing right behind you, waiting for you to finish and walk out, so that he can take the spot¬†You thank God that you didn’t see him stare at you while you were doing.

6. You walk in and you meet your colleague who wears really really tight shirts. He puts his hands above his head and yawns. he makes sure that everyone around knows whether he is wearing boxers or briefs that day. You realize that he does the same thing in meetings and lunches as well. You don’t utter a word. You wait for him to leave. He leaves, and then you take your spot.

7. You get up from your cube and go towards the door with the triangular sign to finish the business. You see a yellow board in front of the door. You expect a board which says “Restroom Closed”. But after reading it, you realize that the janitor doesn’t know English and thus used the wrong board. You can’t control laughing. You just walk away. The board reads “Men Working”!!!¬†

Wrapping Up The Week With Some Humor

December 7, 2007

Alright, here are some of the search phrases used to come into my blog this week. Choose your favorite. Have a good weekend!

shoaib malik shirtless

hairy paradise

me and my wife white briefs

Arun Padaki mobile

essay about vidhava vivaha

telgu blogger

mari mari ilayaraja controversies

what is a superior mindset

“people above the law”

kissing girls swaping

jimmy rogers spasmodic dysphonia

phrases used in humour for passing away

It’s Getting Hot In Here, So Take Off All Your Clothes

October 17, 2007

Alright, Putin likes Iran, Turkey is all set to enter Iraq from the North and Democrats have collected so much more money than the Republicans in the race for US Presidential elections. All serious stuff, huh?

On the other hand, what makes me laugh everyday is some of the search phrases used, to enter my blog. I see at least one phrase everyday which is very funny. But, the last two days have been different. Not only are they funny, but some of them are downright NC17. Such phrases should take people to some adult blogs, not this blog. Or maybe it’s time to rate this blog as NC17 officially. Sigh!!! Here is a small sample, enjoy:

“picture’s of shoaib malik’s wife”

“SB in mandarin”

“stud for my wife”

“irfan pathan shirtless”

Hairy Roots

October 3, 2007

My barber just cannot stop talking. She beats me hands down. Remember what happened last time I met her? Just to be on the safer side, I took my wife with me on this trip.

The barber welcomed us. The first question she asked my wife was “Are you from India?”. My wife was like “Yeah!”. So, the barber goes on to say “Yes, you look so much Indian. I could find out immediately. You also have the nose pierced, that is a dead giveaway”. My wife smiles and I am getting ready for the haircut.

Just a second had passed, literally. The barber opens her mouth again “Your husband doesn’t look like he is from India”. I was not expecting this conversation, again!!! My wife is all defensive and starts off with “No no, he is from India and looks very much like any other Indian”. But, the barber has her own views “Oh no no, he doesn’t look like an Indian at all”.

I decide to put an end to the conversation right away. I interject and start talking about how I want my hair to be cut. She sighs and starts working.

I am really scared to go back next time and I have to go so often. No wonder all the barbers like my thick wavy hair. They get so much business out of me.